It’s been two months now since Johnny’s death. Although I’m a guru of coping skills, I was blindsided by this experience. Nothing prepares you for grief. Words cannot explain it. It ambushes you at unexpected moments and leaves you feeling devastated and exhausted. It’s like being forced to ride out a fierce storm. It’s a very lonely experience. Plus it hurts a lot.
So how am I coping? “Daily” is my first response… one day at a time. Reading books on my Kindle is a great escape. I’ve done a little redecorating in my home. I’ve done a lot of organizing as I have more time now to focus on tasks that had piled up. That feels good.
Being kind to myself has taken on a new meaning and urgency. Counting my blessings keeps my spirits buoyed. A few nights I picked up a takeout meal from a favorite restaurant. I’ve watched some tv shows. I’ve done some cooking. When grief becomes intense, I don’t try any more to escape it. There is no escaping it. I let it just wash over me.
There is an old Irish prayer. “May you always have work that you love to do.” I am so very grateful for that. My work is a very rich blessing.
This afternoon I’ll be enjoying a manicure and pedicure at my favorite salon. I’m looking forward to a wonderful event with one of my grandsons this weekend. I don’t stay home just to mourn, don’t indulge my sadness. I put one foot in front of the other each day and keep on moving. That approach has gotten me through two months so far. However, I suspect that everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to endure grief.
Hopefully time will release its tenacious grip. People tell me that grief never ends but that it becomes more bearable, less raw. I’ve decided to view it as the price to be paid for so many wonderful memories. Somehow that makes it easier. #emotionaleducation #drmary #grief